Time

It is ironic that I wrote the harrah high school marching band show music based on time because that is something I have little of in my crazy life. I am worn out and just feel like I don't have time for myself anymore. I am working two jobs right now, not because I'm in any sort of financial crisis but because my mom and step-dad are really struggling and I'm trying to help them out...especially since my brother only works 20 hours a week. Right now I am also driving them around everywhere because they only have one functional car. I get about three or four hours of sleep a day, and I don't even have time to write my music anymore because I'm either driving them around or sleeping.

This could be avoided of course, but once again a certain figure in my life decided to be a complete asshole and isn't taking care of his responsibilities - and instead cares more about hurting those who 'wronged him' decades ago. Is that really what American men and women are like these days?? Is everyone really that vengeful and that selfish?? If so - well, I really fear for everyone's soul when God decides the earth has worn out its welcome. Literally, there will be hell to pay.

I really want to just move away from this state. Away from everyone's judgemental eyes. There is just so much here that is holding me back from being great - and I just don't think I have it in me anymore. Maybe I should be selfish for a change. Maybe for once I should actually have a life that's best for me. That's really what I want to do. I'm just tired of all of this shit that I go through that I don't deserve. I've spent my entire life trying to help those I love, and they throw it in my face. I'm tired of being walked-on, used, verbally abused....and treated like I have no real purpose in this life. I'm really ready to just pack it up all up and leave. One of my ex-gf's did that, and now she's married and has a great life. Maybe that's what I should do. Maybe that's what I will do. I don't have time to sit here and try to be everyone's savior anymore.