The other day I was flipping through channels on my scrappy 13 inch TV when I found that one of my favorite and most self-reflecting movies, Mr. Holland's Opus, was on. Unfortunately, but also fitting was that it was towards the end of the movie, the section where it had just been announced by Principal Walters that the entire Arts program at Thomas Jefferson High School was being left out of the budget for the the stated reason that if Walters had to choose between long division and Mozart, he would choose long division. Glen Hollands counter-response was probably the best retort I have seen in a movie in a long time - declaring that if the arts were cut, "pretty soon these kids won't have anything to read or write about." It is amazing how many movies, built on the fictional creativity of very talented screen-writers and directors, can end up proving a very realistic point - as does Mr. Holland's Opus. It is the sad truth that appreciation for the Arts is diminishing, and what is left and considered "artistic" is now refered to as "Bohemia", with is basically social rebelion based on artistic values. In today's sociaty a teacher is very quick to shun out Rap music without considering trying to teach the listeners about ancient tribal chants and rhythm that many consider to be the "original" rap music. Parents are so quick to deny their children the rights to listen to heavy metal without tracing it to Beethoven, who was a 'heavy metal' artist of his time, composing music that broke rules and was unheard of in that era. Perhaps it has become very cliche to say that without classical music there would be no heavy metal or rap, country music or rock music, christian rock or even techno. But cliche or not, it's the truth that many people seem to want to deny. Instead of channeling their musical preferences and trying to instill a sense of appreciation for the history of what they like most, they'd rather abolish it completely?

Asside from cutting arts programs from budgets, and failing to consider them as a vital part of human nature, another frusterating truth for artists is the formality that has been placed upon our heads. Unfortunately, it appears today that an artist needs a license to be an artist.

I'll use myself as an example. In wake of my recent experiences with Martin Andraszek and the Harrah High School Band, I've e-mailed quite a few band directors around my home state of Kentucky about possibly composing original music to be performed by their concert bands or even soloists in their programs. I have received nothing but negative replies, claiming things such as 'they already have a staff'....and that's if i was lucky enough to receive a reply at all. It has come to my realization that what many directors are seeing is that I have not finished school, and consider that a substantial risk. And that's my biggest problem...no one is willing to take risks these days. I believe i have a relatively strong resume (i've had music performed in singapore for christs sake!), and have everything that a college graduate has...EXCEPT a piece of paper indicating my completion of school. Perhaps that a piece of paper would be a good symbol of what America is today....paperwork. No one will take risks without having notorized signatures for verification purposes. Perhaps many will consider me naive, but personally I have taken a few risks in my life...and some of which have amounted to something great.

The arts are dying, unfortunately. It is a reality that we have to face. The only thing us artists have to turn to IS rebelion. I guess it really doesn't matter to me at this point. I'm still going to write music and I'm STILL going to look for performance opportunities despite the fact I did not finish school. I'm just saddened that what happened in Mr. Holland's Opus is really happening every day.

God give me the strength to get through this life.

I'm so worn out. Two times in the past week have I been up for 30 hours straight because I've had to work, give people rides and try and take care of my own life in the process. I don't feel I have the energy to do this anymore! I'm just so tired....no one really understands why I'm going through...and people think I'm just bitching but I'm really having trouble handling all of this.

Christian told me they say God gives us what we can handle, well I feel like he's failed me because I can't handle this anymore. No matter how hard I try to move forward, something happens...something just comes crashing down on me. I couldn't hold my relationship with Jenny together.....I'm not speaking to my Dad, and now my best friend of 18 years is pissed at me and I don't know what I did wrong.

I'm losing my faith in things....in God....I want to believe he's out there, but I'm just having a lot of trouble....I can't seem to catch a break ever. And I have no one I can talk to about this...everyone is so concerend about their own issues....I know i've helped a lot of people, but right now I just need the help!! I'm slippinginto insanity because of everything thats going on in my life!

I wish i could just move away....to another country somewhere and start a new life for myself. This one sucks. I'm being held back from my dreams because I keep worrying about people around me...only to have them shit in my life. Is that what Christians do these days???

I'm hoping things will get better, but I fear they will. I just need the strength to get through this mess!!! That is ALL I am wishing for!

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly 2009-2012

I know the election is not over, but it is almost unquestionable to suggest Barak Obama will be our 44th and the first black president elected into office. I voted for McCain.......mainly because I strongly oppose Obama's tax plans, believe Repulicans are better at handling economic matters (the democrats have controlled the house and the senate for the past two years), and yes....to me experience matters.

However, I'm accepting the fact that Obama will be our president and will be as optimistic as I can be that maybe he does have the answers. I fear that there will be another terrorist attack, as since 9-11 Bush has done a great job keeping them out of our country.

But what bothers me about this is how cold democrats are, and that its usually them attacking republicans. My best friend of 18 years is an example of this. He started ripping into me for being a Bush supporter and for voting for mccain - called me a dumb hillbilly republican. I imagine if McCain had been elected democrats would have created riots or said mccain cheated......but I'm sitting here accepting Obama's victory. Perhaps this is the main difference between democrats and republicans...and i guess defines conservative and liberal beliefs. I just don't think i should be ridiculed for my political beliefs. Maybe Obama can help this country....but I fear for it, and I fear that the young people who do not know enough about politics are the reason he got voted in.

I'm going to be optimistic.....maybe he can save the economy. I guess we'll just have to see.