No Place for an Artist

I'm tired of coming back to Lexington. I don't know why I keep hurrying back here...all I run into is a chaotic mess and a reminder of how much the last 16 years of my life have really sucked. My parents got divorced when I was twelve, and since then its been nothing but drama and I wasn't raised like I should have been. I know my mom did the best that she could, but my dad didn't treat me like he should have....my step-dad had to fill in on several steps of being a man. And my dad did nothing to help prevent my problems with college.......yet he takes credit and tells me how proud he is of my music....none of which had any inspiration as a result of his fatherhood. I dont get my inspiration from family life because I'm scared to death of what that kind of music would sound like!! I'd probably have friends knocking at my door begging for me to get help and such.

I can never get anything done musically here.....part of the problem is my brother, Mario plays his guitar and unfortunately he lives in a loft with no wall so you can hear it all the way throughout the house. And music clashing is very troublesome for me as a composer. And I hear my mom constantly complaining and in a subconscious way she's putting me on a guilt trip because her complaints are that she NEVER gets any help around the house. Which is probably true, but I always do what I can to help when I'm here.

I don't think I could ever get married.....I'm much happier living a quiet little life on my own, with no one to worry about. I'd make it very well as a hermit.

Sibelius 6

Sibelius 6 is awesome. Aside from the new sound fonts that make my music sound damn close to the real thing, the new magnetic layout is unbelievable. My scores look soooo clean now, and I'm hoping this will help motivate me to start writing again. I've had quite a bit of a block and have not written anything in a long time.

I'm really excited because I had thought I had lost a lot of my scores when my computer crashed a few years ago, but it turns out Sibeliusmusic still had these files and when I e-mailed one of their reps, another one responded and sent me back all of my old files. I'm so relieved because that was years of work I thought was down the drain.

Good things are happening for my as far as my music career goes. I finally finished my Nutcracker Suite arrangement and its available at Sibeliusmusic.com and I'm working on fixing up 'Traffic' so I can get it published with the guys at Impact marching.

Looking Up!

I am happy to say that things couldn't be a whole lot better right now!!! I've actually put together a personal budget for the remainder of the year and will be starting one for 2010 very soon. This time a year ago I was struggling to pay my bills on time, but now I'm budgetted to save $400 a month, and that's in addition to the $1000 I have saved since April. I really am proud of myself for getting this job and getting myself to some sort of financial stability. And it feels great to know that if something crazy happens, I actually have money saved that can help me! This should definitely take a lot off of my shoulders.

The season has ended and now begins the planning process for 2010. I will be spending the next few months at my office computer going over this season in review and planning for next year. Seems like I'll have a lot of time on my hands, but in reality I'm sure it will catch up to me fast. I have some terrific Ideas for the future.....I'm just hoping that they are accepted by my peers!

Music writing has been slow lately, however now that our ever-so-busy season has ended....I find I will have more time to sit down and throw some tunes together. I do the best kind of composing when I don't think about what I'm writing about....I just write. Almost finished my arrangement of the Nutcracker suite....hoping to get that finished and published in time for the Christmas season! Could potentially be a hot seller!

My sister has officially hired me on as the DJ for her wedding next month. I've never DJed before, but I'm fairly good with music selections and so forth. Only thing I'm really worried about is using the Microphone because I can be a rather sky person. I'm pretty excited about the gig though......maybe I'll do an awesome job and other people there may consider me for their own personal events!!! Haha...that will always be the dream, but no.

I need to get with Martin and start planning a trip down there to see my show in Oklahoma. I don't think Ill be able to make the Konawa festival because of my Sisters wedding, but I definitely want to try to make the state competition. Guess I'll send him an e-mail in a few about that.

Today is the 8th anniversary of the attacks that took place on American Soil. Please keep the families of the lost in your thoughts and prayers. God Bless America.

Life is great right now!!!!

Summer

Well it's been a long long summer. I have not written in here since April, but that is mainly because of how insanely busy I have become. Being an Operations Manager for an amusement park is no easy task. I have six different departments that I am the head of, and often times I feel like they are trying to pull me apart. Lately, I've had to hold the hands of our lifeguard team as they don't seem to be able to function without close supervision. I am a certified Lifeguard, despite difficulties in long distance swimming, a requirement of being a red cross lifeguard, and I have spent the past couple of weeks confined to a lifeguard stand while the rest of the park seems to move on and my desk is continuously being overrun by countless amounts of paperwork. Not like I have a choice in the matter.....things HAVE to open. I really am starting to regret my decision to leave Louisville and move up here. I feel there is nothing for me in this small town of Monticello, and I can't stop thinking about things I shouldn't be thinking about. I miss my friends in Louisville. I don't really have any friends here, and for some strange reason I really feel like a lot of people are so full of themselves that I really don't feel like I want to take any part in their lives. People from Louisville just seem a lot more friendly, and open-minded.

Composing has been slow. I'm currently working on an arrangement of The Nutcracker Suite for brass quintet that I'm hoping to complete by October so it can be ready for the Christmas season. I'm also supposed to write a piece of music for my sister's wedding, but I'm having a terrible time getting started on that. I just can't seem to find the right melody for this kind of occassion.....perhaps its because my views on marriage and love have been heavily tainted because of what I have been through. Or maybe I'm becoming washed up......I do feel like the music I write these days isn't nearly as provocative is it has been in the past. Needless to say, I was at least happy to hear that Martin's band kids love the music to 'Traffic', their upcoming show. I may try to make it down there later in October so I can see the whole show, despite how fun the Konawa band festival was last year.

I just got called into work because my idiot waterpark supervisor can't make it in. This is my life!

Waiting...

It's really funny how life works sometimes. I always thought it was too cliche to say 'everything happens for a reason' but recently it seems like I'm finally finding out the reasons things have happened. I am now starting to realize how much of a blessing it was for me to have the guts and leave an ugly situation like I did back in August. I struggled for three months, living with my parents until I was able to move back to Louisville. I started the year ready for business, and they ended promoting me to Front Gate Coordinator...which was a pretty big surprise given the year I had previously (partially thanks to you know who). Of course at the time I was in talks with the Director of Operations at Indiana Beach for their open Operations Manager position.

It was especially funny how that worked out because the day I randomly went and looked at their website to find out prices was the day they posted the position, and moments later I got a text from Courtney telling me about it. Was it a sign? Perhaps....so I applied. Well after two interviews and days of waiting.....I got the position! It was a huge accomplishment, as sad as I was to leave SFKK. But what's more important is that its a salary job with benefits...and that's what I've been looking for for years. It just goes to show you how much a little waiting will do.

Updates, Updates, Updates!

So the Holidays are over, and surprisingly I managed to survive them! I had a pretty good Christmas, despite destroying my bank account on presents. I rarely look at price when buying a gift for someone...perhaps I should. I just hate letting that be the deciding factor on a gift I feel would be perfect for someone! The good news is I was working two jobs and roughly 60-70 hours a week to make up for it, so it didn't hurt me too bad.

Unfortunately in trying to apply for an apartment I found that I got royally screwed by my former complex who claims I never put in a 30 days notice and abandoned my apartment. I find this very amusing considering I waited outside their office for two hours on the day I left and no one ever showed up. I also received no contact from them after assuming everything was clean...only to find out that they had ran up a $2200 bill for me for leaving without notice...this includes 4 months of unpaid rent and leasing agreement violation fees. Um...how do you not know a tennant isn't living somewhere for FOUR MONTHS??? Great job maintenance team...which, by the way, never fixed the hole in my bathroom ceiling after about twenty calls and even a face-to-face confrontation with their deaf maintenance guru. The good news is I just talked to the Credit Clearing House yesterday and set up a payment plan and was informed that as long as i make timely payments it will not be reported to the Credit Beurea (which would really screw up my credit). I really shouldn't have to pay, but until i win any sort of a law suit with the complex my credit will only get worse.

Well, thanks to two absolutely WONDERFUL friends, I now have a place to stay that is rent-free and am happily living back in Louisville. I am living in a house with my friends Amanda and Brittany who after hearing about the unfortunate news and how much I was struggling mentally and emotionally in my hometown (a lot of unfortunate history there), jumped at the chance to let me move in with them at least till i can get back on my feet. I feel like I'm eternally in debt to them because they've had to change their living styles...anytime you live with the opposite gender, you have to do that. I do what i can to help out around the house, though. They also do not in anyway take advantage that they 'saved' me in a jam, unlike some other friends have in the past. Two very wonderful people who i am proud to call my friends!

Well over the Holidays I received a shocking e-mail that has been a huge break-through for my musical career. As it turns out, my show 'Elements of Time' that was performed by Harrah High School last fall was selected to be published by Impact Marching on their website impactmarching.com. This is HUGE for me and I'm really hoping it sells well, which the publishers believe it will!

Despite my excitement, I am having trouble believing it will do well. This may be a disease I have or perhaps because of the amount of letdown in my life, but I just can't but help expect the worst from good situations. I kept telling myself it was all going to blow up in my face and I really am not sure why that is. I wish i could just be happy for myself, but its really hard sometimes.

The Cardinals are on their best start ever in the Big East after defeating Notre Dame in a FIREY game last night! I guess to hold off the conference's number 1 offense you have to have a REALLY GOOD defense, and Louisville does! Let's hope they can keep it up when they face the nation's best team, Pittsburgh on Saturday!

The other day I was flipping through channels on my scrappy 13 inch TV when I found that one of my favorite and most self-reflecting movies, Mr. Holland's Opus, was on. Unfortunately, but also fitting was that it was towards the end of the movie, the section where it had just been announced by Principal Walters that the entire Arts program at Thomas Jefferson High School was being left out of the budget for the the stated reason that if Walters had to choose between long division and Mozart, he would choose long division. Glen Hollands counter-response was probably the best retort I have seen in a movie in a long time - declaring that if the arts were cut, "pretty soon these kids won't have anything to read or write about." It is amazing how many movies, built on the fictional creativity of very talented screen-writers and directors, can end up proving a very realistic point - as does Mr. Holland's Opus. It is the sad truth that appreciation for the Arts is diminishing, and what is left and considered "artistic" is now refered to as "Bohemia", with is basically social rebelion based on artistic values. In today's sociaty a teacher is very quick to shun out Rap music without considering trying to teach the listeners about ancient tribal chants and rhythm that many consider to be the "original" rap music. Parents are so quick to deny their children the rights to listen to heavy metal without tracing it to Beethoven, who was a 'heavy metal' artist of his time, composing music that broke rules and was unheard of in that era. Perhaps it has become very cliche to say that without classical music there would be no heavy metal or rap, country music or rock music, christian rock or even techno. But cliche or not, it's the truth that many people seem to want to deny. Instead of channeling their musical preferences and trying to instill a sense of appreciation for the history of what they like most, they'd rather abolish it completely?

Asside from cutting arts programs from budgets, and failing to consider them as a vital part of human nature, another frusterating truth for artists is the formality that has been placed upon our heads. Unfortunately, it appears today that an artist needs a license to be an artist.

I'll use myself as an example. In wake of my recent experiences with Martin Andraszek and the Harrah High School Band, I've e-mailed quite a few band directors around my home state of Kentucky about possibly composing original music to be performed by their concert bands or even soloists in their programs. I have received nothing but negative replies, claiming things such as 'they already have a staff'....and that's if i was lucky enough to receive a reply at all. It has come to my realization that what many directors are seeing is that I have not finished school, and consider that a substantial risk. And that's my biggest problem...no one is willing to take risks these days. I believe i have a relatively strong resume (i've had music performed in singapore for christs sake!), and have everything that a college graduate has...EXCEPT a piece of paper indicating my completion of school. Perhaps that a piece of paper would be a good symbol of what America is today....paperwork. No one will take risks without having notorized signatures for verification purposes. Perhaps many will consider me naive, but personally I have taken a few risks in my life...and some of which have amounted to something great.

The arts are dying, unfortunately. It is a reality that we have to face. The only thing us artists have to turn to IS rebelion. I guess it really doesn't matter to me at this point. I'm still going to write music and I'm STILL going to look for performance opportunities despite the fact I did not finish school. I'm just saddened that what happened in Mr. Holland's Opus is really happening every day.