The human race is a digusting breed. Everywhere I turn around people are lying, cheating, and doing anything they can to get ahead of everyone else. It is really disturbing to know we are lost as a race, and will ultimately be the source of the end of the world. I'm not perfect, but I have grown up with strong morals and ethics, and I feel a terrible guilt everytime I do the wrong thing. I hope that God is as forgiving as I grew up believing he is, because I am sorry for everything I've ever done wrong. It's a shame others who do wrong doesn't regret their decisions.
The Black Widow strikes again. And by Black Widow, I am referring to my ex-fiance. Up until this point I really felt that she loved me the way she said that she did every night before we went to bed. I really believed that she cared about me and my music, and that she was being very supportive of my future because of how much it meant to me. I really believed that I was the most important person in her life. Now, I realize that that was all just a very convincing lie. It hurts to know how much I truely loved her and cared for her only to realize I was just another guy to her to help her situation out. I realize this because after only a month, there is already another guy in her life. I honestly believe that you cannot just jump on board withsome else after being in a relationship based on love. It just doesn't happen. She sucked the life out of me and now that I've left, she has found someone else to ruin. And unfortunately for him, he's a lot more vulnerable because his lack of friends and independant lifestyle. I feel used and abused, and now have no regrets about any decisions I made with the exception of getting together with her in the first place.
She lied to me, she's stolen things from me, and she has done nothing but try and hurt me. About a week ago she sent me a message on facebook saying she was glad to see I was still writing music. Normally, I would have been happy to receive that as a hope that we could still consider our friendship - no....another lie. Just a hook to try and get a response from me so she can use it against me. For someone who claims to hate drama, she sure loves to start it. She creats stories in her mind about how I was having a double life and out flirting and having sex with other women. I never really understood why she felt I was doing these things, but I guess that's just the way she is. What hurts the most is that I was willing to pour my life out for her and she did nothing to me. She is a Black Widow...moving from one guy to the next to get what she needs out of them.
She will claim she helped change me, and helped push me to go to oklahoma and helped push me to finish the composition for Audrey. Well I have news for her - I was already planning to go to oklahoma and was in the process of writing the piece for Audrey when her and I got together. If anything, that relationship served to me more destructive than constructive to me.
This brings me back to the human race being full of sick individuals who will stop at nothing to hurt someone else. Why on earth when someone gives you the shirt off your back, you choose to whip the fuck outta their bare back - I will never understand that. Why is it that the nice people in this world are the ones that suffer. I feel like I am giving a wilting plant some water and it turns out to be poison ivy - constantly.
I really need a vacation. I need to get away from everything, and do nothing but write music. In fact, if I could sit in a hotel room isolated from the rest of the world with nothing but my laptop....life would be great. I could write some really great music.
Maybe that's what I will do.....
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