Why?

I don't know why, but it feels like everyone is trying to ruin this trip for me. This is possibly one of the greatest accomplishments of my entire life, but it seems as though very few people really give a damn. I don't know what I did.....i've worked hard to get where I am at, its not like it was just handed to me. I'm working two jobs so I can afford this trip, and I worked very hard on writing the piece....sometimes going nights without sleeping trying to come up with melodies and such. Nothing...and I repeat...NOTHING in life has come easy to me. So I don't understand why everyone feels that I deserved to be shit on!

It starts with my Dad......I don't know what his thinking is, but I asked him for a simple favor - to put the plane tickets on his credit card and he WOULD get paid back immediately after I returned...100% guarentee. But instead he tries to talk me into this father-son trip down there to see the show. Well Dad that would be great.....10 freakin years ago!!!! I'm 27 years old - does he not understand he had his chance to be an involved father?? I don't really credit him towards anything I've accomplished in my life....it seems that when he shows up at my performances and crap, well he's basically just reaping in the benefits. He can claim to be proud of me all he wants, but he did nothing to make me the way I am.

Thank God for Ellen....my mom's long time friend. She's really one of the main reasons this trip is going to happen.

And then there is my best friend of 17 years. I know Chris means well, and he's right....my brother and I need to take care of the window my brother broke. However, him calling me and pressuring me...eventually threatening me over the phone is NOT what a best friend does two nights before one of the biggest trips of my life. Maybe he just doesn't understand. Maybe Chris is unable to make the connection of how huge it is for someone like me, who is interested in large-ensemble scoring, to get a chance to see a marching band show written by me performed live in front of a large audience. I mean...i really can't blame him for that....but it just sucks that this couldn't wait till after the trip. I was already stressed enough, and of course i was going to raise my voice at him.....he doesn't seem to understand my situation, and I really think a best friend should.

And on top of it, my mom and step-dad decide to have a huge verbal fight the night before I leave. I mean...i know they aren't processing what I might be going through when they are feeling anger creep up on them. But it sucks, because now....this potential wonderful experience for me is going to be filled by thoughts of my best friend's friendship being tested, my father's dead-beat attitude, and my mom and step-dad's marriage in jeopardy. Anyone knows me knows that I can't just turn off my thoughts like that - they are going to be there and now it may be hard to enjoy this trip the way I should be able to.